How I’m Feeling Right Now

Shit. Crap. Rubbish. Lonely. Stupid. Miserable. Pathetic.

There. That’s how I’m feeling right now. I was feeling much better than that earlier. Chatting on MSN with a handsome Scotsman. And by “chatting” I mean “flirting”. Made me feel lovely. But then he decided to do a disappearing act, and now I feel foolish and pathetic.

Smudge is still hissing at Lexie. Lexie is the new kitten, by the way. They haven’t fought, and Lexie doesn’t run and hide. She’ll stand her ground, hair on end, not looking happy while Smudge hisses and growls and hisses and growls. And I know that it’ll wear off, even though it might take a few weeks, but I’m tired and upset and the hissing is really grating on my nerves.

I’m lonely. I don’t have a lot of family I’m close to, but even the ones I could hang out with are hundreds of miles away. One of my three friends has been far too busy for me in months, and hasn’t been bothered to check on me since I broke up with Neil. I think the second friend is asleep. And the third friend is Neil – who I think has decided we shouldn’t be talking, since he hasn’t replied in a day or two. Plus, I can’t really talk to him about how I feel.

That’s it. All my sources of comfort and support and distraction. I like my own company; I like having control over everything in my home and things. And in a social situation I’d much rather be with a few close friends somewhere quiet than with hundreds of people in a nightclub or a festival. But right now, when I feel lost and pathetic, I just feel alone and horrible. How pathetic am I that the only cuddles and comfort I can get is from cats?


About Colette Horsburgh

A 30-something creator/baker/writer/artist/crafter living with several (but not enough) scatty animals.
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