Sometimes it sucks.
As an adult, you have the time and means to do what YOU want to do. Just about. But as an adult, you have to realise that there are many other things you SHOULD do. Which sucks.
I struggle a lot with the choice between doing what I’m supposed to be doing, and instant gratification. I want to enjoy my life. For a long time I didn’t want my life, and there were times when I actually tried to end it, but now I have one, and I want to be here. But I want to enjoy it! I don’t want to be a good girl for half a decade before I can go on the trips I want to go on, and do the things I want to do. I want to do them now.
For the last month or so, I’ve been going with that theory. I might die next week, I’m going to do the things I want to do. “Adult” be damned. “Responsibility” be damned.
In the last week – which I spent at my friend/ex’s house – I did a lot of thinking, and I’ve decided a lot of things. One of which is to stop being such a freaking child. I can delay my gratification a little bit. So for the next year and a bit at least, I’m going to (try to) be an adult. In some ways. Not all ways.
I embrace my inner child. But my inner child needs to start taking some responsibility too, otherwise neither of us will ever be able to get what we want and fully enjoy it.