How I Feel

Tuesday is usually my tangle challenges update, but that will be coming on Thursday this week.  It occurred to me last night that although I’ve been blogging daily for a while now, I haven’t really been telling you much about me and my life.  Lots of zentangling, and some writing, and some randomness.  Not so much about how I’m doing.

Today seems a good day to do that, since I feel kinda… meh.  This happens to me quite often.  A lot of the time it’s triggered by the dreams I have.  Horrifying, terrifying dreams.  Cute, sweet, happy dreams.  Those are the worst.  Being in a pretty perfect situation, then waking up to find it’s all gone away can leave me feeling horrible.

That’s what happened today.  I can’t even remember the dream now.  But I know that I was happy, and that I wasn’t alone.  And then I woke up, and I’m alone.  I have my family, and I love them all dearly.  I have one or two close friends.  But that’s it.  Some of the people that over the last year or two I thought would be good friends have proven to be acquaintances if anything.  And of course, there is still no handsome man (or beautiful woman) to think about.  No one who thinks about me when they wake up, and sends me a message just to say hello.

That specific type of loneliness is easy to ignore some days, but other days it’s impossible.  And it affects my mood.

Having said that, it isn’t just being single that makes me meh.  Not that I can pinpoint what else it is.  I’m just… meh.

I feel like I have no purpose.  I feel like there’s no reason for me to not go back to bed and just stay there for the rest of the day.

I found this picture online the other day, and it describes my “meh” days pretty perfectly.

2014-04-06 00.51.16

I see no reason for doing anything, because I’ll probably just mess it up.

Depression sucks.  But you already know that.  Half my friends and the people I know have depression too.


About Colette Horsburgh

A 30-something creator/baker/writer/doodler/crafter living with several (but not enough) scatty animals.
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