I have a lot of hobbies, as you might have noticed. Knitting, crochet, sewing, cross stitch, embroidery, colouring, Zentangle, writing, reading, surfing the web, origami, beading, puzzles, baking, gaming, sudoku, perler beading, blogging…… So many hobbies that I don’t have time to do them all. And I’m always finding new crafts and new hobbies. My “list to try” at the moment currently has needle felting, needle tatting, mosaicing, painting, quilling and macrame on it. And it’s being added to nearly every day.
I can’t understand when people say they’re bored. I don’t have time to be bored. But I realised something recently. It’s not that I don’t have time to be bored, but that I’m scared of it.
A week or so ago I went to my gaming group. At one point I had finished a game with one set of people, and was waiting for another game to finish so I could play something with one of that set. My original group started a new game, and I was just sat there. I was at my gaming group so I hadn’t brought my usual bag of tricks with me to keep me entertained. And I was bored. I read through the rule book of the game I was waiting on. I “played” a game against myself. I played on my phone. I twiddled my thumbs.
45 minutes passed, and I was bored. And then I was sad. And then I was miserable. And then I was crying.
Without anything to occupy my mind, my brain had started thinking again. I’m very intelligent, but I have little-to-no control over my brain. It goes wild. It thinks over every scenario of everything. Every worst-case scenario. It worries. It stresses. It panics. It overthinks. And when I’m bored, when I’m not engrossed in one hobby or another, there’s nothing to stop my brain sending me down that spiral of depression and panic and misery.
It wasn’t until the next day that I realised what had happened, and that I was scared of being bored. None of my hobbies are forced. I enjoy them. I don’t do them because I HAVE to. But I am scared of being bored, and I will probably spend the rest of my life avoiding it if I possibly can.
If that means having too many hobbies and not enough time, then so be it.
If that means not being able to just sit and watch a movie without knitting or crocheting, then so be it.
If that means carrying a dozen projects in my handbag in case of empty moments, then so be it.
If that means being considered a bit crazy, then so be it.
I’d rather be crazy than bored.